Lesbian Poetry

A Box of Wishes...

i have a wish box...

inside are little reminders,
poems, cards, pictures,
bits of evidence of my past...
rememberances of hopefulness...
i keep them there because
sometimes,
i forget that i use to wish...
at times,
i forget what i use to wish for...
but mostly,
i forget that i can still wish now,
for a little bit more...

that dark blue box of stars reminds me,
that wishing is alright...
it's reality's flight to paradise...
now, i forget ~
how good it is,
because i haven't really felt good,
in that way,
since most of my wishes flew away...

my wish box...
it's filled with my life's small,
GREAT things...
the things that,
on appearance,
seem insignificant...
but, when i look at them,
the are too enormous
to fully take in
with my mortal eyes,
my human mind...
they're small things
that i can easily shuffle through...
but, so hugely GREAT,
that they really shuffle through me,
they move my soul, easily...

i have a picture,
that holds my fading memories...
it holds my ideal 'what is suppose to be'...
i look at eyes,
that look back at me...
i smile for the smiles
that are smiling at me...
but, it's jes' pictured,
spent moments
of the past,
seen in this present...
the true picture within
that small photograph,
it's too GREAT to be contained
in it's wallet size frame...
it's the GREAT small thing...
the wish for my ideal
'this should be reality still'...

jes' a small part of my life has changed...
but, that small part was GREAT
and life altering...
i don't smile and laugh as much anymore...
mostly,
i jes' try to get pass a little better today,
than the day before...
but, it's so hard,
and i don't know how i've survived...
but, i'm trying,
i'm surviving...
i'm breathing
life,
but barely believing
life...

i still,
try to fulfill my needs...
i still feed my passions...
but,
my life is so different...
yet, i'm still the same...
innately,
still passionate,
but tainted with disdain...
cuz' my life has changed,
and idealistically,
i can't be,
my past 'ideal 'me'

i have an ever constant,
GREAT and growing love,
but it's more scattered into smaller parts...
but, still,
i give all the love i got...
and GREATly love real hard,
with all my heart...

see, i'm more on the outside now...
cuz' i live more inside
my little,
delicate soul...
i hide away all of my small wishes,
deep within this
immense,
GREAT whole
in my hollow spirit...
it's an emptiness...
an un~lived existence...
a resilient sequence
of consequences,
manifested in my soul...
i know it,
i can feel it,
but, i jes' can't fill it...

everyone tells me, i'm a GREAT thing,
i'm important...
everyone says that i change their lives,
that i make life better,
and i make a difference...
but, i feel small,
inadequate...
so, most of the times,
i don't believe them,
and sometimes,
i jes' don't listen...
cuz' what they say,
doesn't matter nearly
as much as what i think....

but i'm trying to be a better me...
trying to be a good thing for some of everybody...
i'm trying to realize,
my past ~
wishes path...
trying to reached my own expectations,
of who i'm supposed to be...
because there once was
a moment in time,
when i used to wish,
and because of that,
my life has been truly blessed...
so,
i'm trying to give back,
trying to return the blessings,
that i have been blessed
and touched with...
i gotta' try,
cuz',
it may be that
despite
and inspite of myself,
i'm someone else's,
GREAT small thing..............

*wishing to touch some or jes' one of everyone
~twistylox